


Scars

by AyashiTetsuko132



Series: AyashiTetsuko132's Muggle AU Series - Remus Lupin & Nymphadora Tonks [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-11 16:10:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19113157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyashiTetsuko132/pseuds/AyashiTetsuko132
Summary: Now that they are together, Lupin can finally tell her the story behind his scars.





	1. The Tissue

**Author's Note:**

> Plenty of trigger warning with this one: Self-harm, sexual assault, trauma, sex.

It started out with him showing her his record collection.

It was Saturday night, and Remus John Lupin found himself leaning on one of the shelves filled with cassette tapes, CDs, and even vinyl on the second floor of his residence. With a cup of hot chocolate in hand, he rambled on about this unreleased track that his former band The Marauders had once recorded in a New York City hotel room, which was blasting from the stereo set at the moment.

It is the only one in the world, he said, as if he was at work talking to a roomful of students. Even his bandmate Sirius does not have a copy with him.

His only audience was Nymphadora Tonks, who sat on the carpeted floor surrounded by large, fluffy pillows. She sat there hugging her legs, unable to contain her excitement for getting to listen to the rare materials. Thanks for this, she told Lupin. She genuinely thought he should not let these songs rot away in the darkness. They deserve to be out in the open.

With her yellow floral spring dress and shocking pink hair, and contagious sense of happiness, the lady was easily the brightest, most radiant figure in the room.

When Lupin smiled at her suggestion, he was not sure if it was because of her idea or her mere presence.

Once the song was done, Lupin thought about changing the playlist into something that was not of his own original works --he did not want to look like he was bragging. So he browsed through a shelf full of British punk bands that they would both enjoy, but something else came up in his mind.

Soon after a soft, familiar ballad from the 1980s filled the air.

Lupin walked towards her direction --and offered her his hand.

For a full two and a half minute, the two waltzed around the room, accidentally kicking an empty cup on the floor during the process. Tonks sang along to the lyrics; Lupin commented that there was a clear reason why she was the drummer, never the vocalist. She protested by punching his abdomen.

At the end of the song, Tonks spun around, letting her skirt flows lightly, like in many of her childhood fantasies.

You look great in this dress, Lupin whispered.

Tonks smiled. But you’d rather see it on your floor, she replied.

He went quiet for a moment, but then he leaned in to whisper again.

_So why isn’t it there?_

\--

In the next hour, the two of them found themselves lying on the floor, with their heads supported by one large fluffy pillow. His comfortable old bathrobe had turned into some kind of blanket, covering them both from the waist down. Its rugged texture contrasted their blushing, sweaty skins.

Keeping the lady in his hug, Lupin continued to stroke her hair gently. Occasionally he would move to kiss her forehead, letting the sweet scent of her shampoo filled his senses.

But Tonks suddenly lifted her head.

“Oh. You’re awake.”

“Yeah.”

“Everything okay?”

She changed her position so that she was then lying on her stomach, instead of on her side. The lady then used both of her hands to support her chin. "You know what, I was just thinking. If I had a time machine … I bet my 16-year-old self wouldn’t believe where I am now.”

“Hm?”

“Yeah. She had these band posters pinned on her bedroom walls. Who would have thought she would be in one of them. Even if it’s just for one night.”

The lady was referring to the reunion project that The Marauders had just completed a week ago, which featured her as a replacement drummer for the late James Potter in an award show. The event coincided with the moment she and Lupin finally got to admit their deepest feelings --which they had been holding back for five months, throughout band rehearsals, meetings, and everything in between.

That night ended with the two of them staying at Tonks's flat: Talking and making love and sharing sleep.

“It’s not the only thing that she wouldn’t believe, eh?” Lupin said, tucking in a stray hair behind her ear.

“Which part? That she is now a groupie? Sleeping with the band member?”

Lupin groaned. “You're not a groupie, you’re part of the band! And I’ve told you, I’m serious about you …”

Pretending to whine, he then pulled her into his hug and started to tickle her belly like crazy. "Here's for doubting my commitment!"

Tonks was not even sure if the noises that she made were screams or laughter. Kicking the floor, she tried to get away from her man to no avail.

But as the madness died down, she managed to catch a glimpse of his wrist, which was filled with lines, crossing the surface of his skin. At some parts the lines seemed a bit thicker, as if the action had been done repeatedly --with intention.

The lady was aware that his other wrist and legs were also filled with the exact same scars; she did not have the courage to ask about them when she saw him naked for the first time last week. Was it right to bring them up during a pillow talk like this?

“Remus …” She held his hand tenderly.

“Yes?”

“Are you ever going to tell me about these?”

Tonks traced the scars with her thumb, trying hard to keep her voice as neutral as possible. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel investigated or threatened, but it was hard to tell as the gentleman had suddenly gone quiet.

He even pulled his hand away from her.

“I mean, it’s fine if you …”

When she turned to face her man, he was lifting his hands up and staring at the scars.

It dawned on her that she had no idea how he actually felt about these scars. Did he hate them? Indifferent about them? Hard to tell. For even when he stared at them, his gaze was empty, as if the scars had taken him to a faraway place.

“No, no. It’s okay. I think you ought to know." He finally spoke.

“Oh?”

Lupin balled his hands into a fist, then turned to face his girl. “Yeah. You deserve the full story. Because it has something to do with how I got The Virus.”


	2. The Wound

Even at 13, Lupin noticed that there were so many artworks --from films to songs to stories-- dedicated to the beauty of summer romance. This was the time when the sun shone longer than the rest of the year, enabling the mood to lighten up and the heart to become more open. Guessed that was why love was easier to happen in the summer.

Certainly, it was not something that the boy would complain about, for in his young life, he had experienced a memorable summer romance of his own.

To be honest, Lupin could not even remember her face. It has gotten mixed up with all the others that he would later see in his life. But he remembered her having long, dark hair and a joyous laughter that seemed to blend in with the beauty of the season.

One afternoon, Lupin was lucky enough to spend time at her home, at the other end of his hometown of Cardiff. They were sitting on the porch, drinking iced tea and talking about the things they liked --from films to people in school-- when he suddenly picked up the courage to kiss her cheek.

She blushed, and for a second Lupin thought he was in trouble. But the girl leaned in towards him --and the two adolescents experienced their first kiss at the same time.

That summer night, Lupin walked home as if he was in seventh heaven, with the full moon rising in the sky as his companion. The boy repeated the scene over and over again in his mind. How he tried to peek when their lips met, how they held hands afterwards. All of this felt more beautiful the more he did it.

The teenager was so lost in thoughts that he failed to notice the black sedan that had been following him for some time.

The driver only made himself known when he rolled down the window and offered to drive the boy home. It’s dark already, he said. You can get lost. Blablabla.

Young Lupin politely rejected the offer. At this moment, the happiness inside his mind had taken a step back, giving room to fear and suspicion. Clutching his bag tightly, the boy tried to walk faster, and he thought he had finally found an escape when he took a turn to an alley in the left.

Unfortunately, it was a dead end.

When he tried to turn back, the man had stepped down the black sedan. He was tall and muscular and intimidating, and when Lupin fought back, the man easily defeated him in just one swing of his arm.

But the worst part was that the man was not alone. There were two of his friends sitting inside the car, and they were all getting off to join him in what he was about to do.

Even today Lupin could still hear their mocking laughter and smell their stinking odor as they pinned him helplessly down the wet, dirty pavement.

That night, as he stared at the sky, he cursed the full moon with a burning disappointment. For it floated beautifully, up there in the sky, doing nothing as the boy screamed for help --that never came.

\--

“So, that's the story of how the most beautiful day in my life … turned to the worst."

Lupin had given his bathrobe for Tonks to wear while he had only his pyjama trousers on. The couple were still inside the room with shelves of record collection, but instead of lying on the floor, they were sitting and leaning on one of the shelves. He sat there stretching his long legs, staring into the air, as she sat next to him, facing him with a burning cigarette in her hand.

Without any permission, he reached out for her cigarette and took a long drag, closing his eyes as he blew the smokes. "Wow. That feels nice."

Tonks looked like she did not even notice his action, as her eyes were filled with terror from listening to his story. “Remus. Honey. I’m so sorry.”

"Don’t be." He smiled a little.

As her voice cracked into tears, the lady moved to pull her man into a hug, crushing him with her overflowing emotions. Panicking, Lupin had to make sure that the cigarette ashes did not fall into the carpet. But when he managed to hug her back, his smile had grown warmer than before.

“You cried for me. I didn't expect this."

“Of course! I can't even … I'm so angry! It's bad enough that it happened to anyone, let alone you …”

“Pssst. No worries, Dora. It’s the past. It’s long gone.” He kissed the lady’s cheek deeply.

Tonks pulled away from the hug. “Are they still around!? Oh God … if they're not in jail …!"

Lupin tapped her back gently. “They are, honey, they are. You don’t have to worry. This story actually ended happily!”

Tonks went quiet for a moment. She had stopped crying, but tears still ran down her face. “Promise?”

“Promise. Just listen. What I told you was only half of it.”

Lupin waved the cigarette. “Look, let me just take one more, then I’ll give this back to you. And continue with the story. Alright?”

Tonks nodded, then wiped the tears from her eyes. “I have no idea you smoke.”

“Not anymore,” Lupin answered, blowing smokes into the air. “This is my first in ... I don't know. Twenty years?”

He then handed the cigarette back to Tonks. “Thanks, love. Sorry for stealing.”

Tonks took a long drag as soon as the cigarette got into her hand. “You’re a bad example. If your students see that …"

“Hm! I vaguely remembered someone trying to cut the fag about five months ago. I wonder what went wrong.”

“Okay, the story, please."

 

\--

 

In the morning, a search party found him lying unconscious in the alley, naked and bruised and bleeding. When he failed to return home that night, his parents had called for help. They were lucky to found him alive, but no parents could ever prepare themselves to deal with what they found.

Lupin spent the next few days in hospital, battling fever and struggling for his life, as the whole town went crazy with the incident.

While his physical wounds healed easily, his mental affliction would only begin to unravel after he was being discharged.

Lupin experienced severe anxiety attacks and paranoia --he would jump at even the slightest sound, and turn hysterical at the sight of black cars or alleys. There was even a time when he would cry upon seeing any man in his home other than his father.

At nights, the boy would wake up drenched in sweat and tears. When this happened, he would lock himself up in the bathroom, trying to scrub himself clean. When it failed to make him feel better about his body, he would resort to his father’s razor.

For his body was dirty, stained, flawed. Disgusting. Foreign. No longer his own.

This situation went on for months, until after the summer holiday ended. After that he managed to calm down enough to go back to school. While he still had nightmares, at least he did not scream at the sight of his triggers anymore, though they still made him feel like hiding.

Unfortunately, school was no longer that fun, safe zone that the boy used to love. As if the gossips and stares were not enough, Lupin also felt a declining interest in his studies, his friends, his girlfriend, and his hobbies. His grades suffered greatly; being one of the brightest boys in the school, this only made him even more ashamed of himself.

In the midst of this chaos, his father decided to make an unlikely move: Taking up a job offer in London.

At this point in life, Lupin basically did not give a damn anymore. They could move all the way to Timbuktu, for heaven’s sake. No matter where he was, life as he knew it no longer exists.

But when the train entered the city, and the first sight of life appeared on his window, the boy felt something strange and new growing inside his chest.

He recognised this feeling as hope.

On the first day in his new school, after introducing him to all of the students, the teacher told him to take the only empty desk, which happened to be located at the back of the classroom. Not where he would usually sit, but at this point Lupin preferred to attract as little attention as possible.

However, once he sat and put his bag down, two dark-haired students who sat in front of him immediately turned their head --and grinned mischievously at him.

Introducing themselves as James Potter and Sirius Black, the two boys would not let him out of their sight that day, whispering clues about social life in the school ("Don't sit near Severus. He never washes his hair!") and tricks for a convenient life ("There's an 'out-of-order' cubicle in the toilet near headmaster's office. That's where we store our porn magazine. Feel free to add yours!"). Even when it was time to go home, they dragged him along with them.

We're off to make mischief, as Black put it.

Lupin was not sure what to make of it, but decided to follow suit anyway. It seemed like forever since he actually go out somewhere, that even his regretful, overprotective parents should be able to understand.

But he did not start feeling at home with the boys until Black asked him about the scars on his wrists, as they walked along the street where Potter's home was. Before he got to answer, the long-haired boy remarked that it made him look really cool.

As if you had gone through a battle or something, he said.

Lupin had never heard of something said so beautifully. But his heart was completely won over when they arrived at the home --and discovered that Potter had turned a gardening shed into a mini studio, with guitars, a drum set, and a set of amplifiers.

We are looking for a bass-player, the boy announced.


	3. The Damage

“So your move to London was basically the beginning of the band.”

Tonks picked up the empty cup that she had accidentally kicked early on, and used it to put out her cigarette.

“Yeah. Met Peter shortly afterwards. We didn’t go to the same school; he was this strange kid who liked to peek over the fence when we’re practicing in the shed.”

She laughed. "Okay, that's weird."

Lupin crossed his arms. “Honestly, when I first saw him, I thought he was a rat or something.”

“Remus!”

“I mean …!”

Tonks grabbed a smaller pillow and used it to slap her man, who insisted on the old friend's resemblance to the animal --figuratively and literally. But once she felt he had had enough, a tender smile grew on her face.

“I’m glad, though. You meeting your friends is the happy ending of the story.”

Lupin grabbed the pillow. Crossing his legs, he then placed it on his lower back, trying to make his sitting position more comfortable before he can answer any more question.

“Actually … no. At least not yet.”

“Bloody hell!?”

“That man ... trauma was not the only thing that he left behind, love.”

\--

School years in London ended by the blink of an eye.

Lupin has rediscovered his passion for the academia, and graduated on top of his class. The yearbook was filled with photos of him taking part in almost every student organisations; he even earned the Prefect title due to his exemplary behaviour. Something his two best friends certainly lacked.

Having taken a part-time job tutoring neighbours' kids, the teenager also had his heart set on becoming a teacher --one of the very few students to proudly admit having such goal. 

He had also regained a life outside of school. During the weekends, he and the boys would go from venue to venue to watch live shows of underground bands, before eventually trying to perform on their own. They started out badly. Most of the time, Potter’s neighbour Peter Pettigrew was the only person in the room who clapped and cheered at their appearance, while the rest were more than willing to throw vegetables to the stage.

But they never gave up. By the time the boys got into university, their performance did not embarrass them too often --they even started to gain cult following. The band eventually got Peter to become their manager. He may not have any artistic talent, but the boy sure was good with money, having helped them sell handmade merchandise such as T-shirts and stickers.

It was no coincidence that they soon secured a record deal with a major label, and signed themselves up as The Marauders.

At this point of life, Lupin no longer spent nights in the bathroom, seeking refuge from his pain by creating new ones. He had even managed to sleep for full seven hours, be in a relationship, and go through his days with a smile on his face.

Just the way it was supposed to be.

\--

"Alright, um … Sweetheart. There is something that I need to tell you about Sirius."

Ignoring his inability to keep up eye contact when he made this announcement, Tonks turned to face her man and shook his shoulders excitedly, begging him to start immediately. "Ooooh. Do tell! Spill the bean. Don't hold back."

"Well. I'm not sure if you're going to like this, but …"

She let go of her man. "What’s the matter?”

Lupin waved his hands around, trying to find the right words to explain it. "Remember when we had dinner in Soho? When I told you that Sirius and I were not lovers?"

"Oh, God."

"We're not lovers."

"..."

"Never was, never will. But … we did it. Once. When we're both 17."

"..."

Painfully aware of her prolonged silence, Lupin finally gathered enough courage to look up. "Dora?"

Sitting next to him, the lady crossed her arms and stared at her man the way she would stare at someone who is trying to sell her snake oil. "I knew it.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“Don't you two ever noticed how it's like when you're in the same room? You finish each other’s sentences. You fight like old married couples. It's like ... you were just waiting for a moment to bang each other! There's no way that I'm convinced that something NEVER happened between you two."

"..."

"During rehearsals, there're times when I seriously thought I was about to get invited to a threesome. With you two," Tonks declared, pointing at her man.

"Not that I’d mind," she added.

"Duly noted." Lupin nodded obediently.

Seeing his reaction, a cheeky smile slowly grew on Tonks's face. "Okay. Tell me more. Why? How?"

"Well … This is going to sound like excuses, but there's a good reason why it happened."

"Alcohol?"

"No, no. It wasn't like that. It's … Well, for him, he was simply curious. Had done it with girls, and wondered if it’s the same with boys. But for me … I needed to feel like, like I own my body again."

There was no reaction coming from the other person.

"Yeah. Not sure if other survivors feel the same way, but I did feel a sense of … detachment. Disconnection. And I'd do anything just to feel in control again. So I agreed when he brought up the idea."

Still no reaction from the other end.

"That man, that night in the alley … He had taken something from me that I can never get back. So, for once, I want to do it willingly. Especially since there was someone whom I trusted, whom I liked enough. Who wanted to do it with me."

"Remus …"

"To be honest, it wasn't good. It was super awkward! Haha. And we both decided we should just stay friends --no benefits-- and move on."

There was another embarrassed laughter. "But I don't care. Hell, for years I couldn't even touch myself! Sex in movies, books made me feel repulsive. But I started dating again after that."

He did not make any move to reject her when Tonks pulled him into her hug. "I even stopped self-harming after that. My therapist was surprised."

"That's amazing then." She kissed his forehead gently.

"So, if you ever wondered why we're close …"

"You owe him your sex life."

"I was going to say recovery."

She laughed.

Lupin lifted up his head. "Anyway, please don't tell Harry. Because we did it in the bedroom that is now his."

\--

Signing the record deal completely changed their life. But before the boys got to taste the sweetness of fame, first they had to go through the hard part: Recordings, tours, music video shoot, and even media interviews. Their schedule became so full that Lupin decided to take a hiatus from university, while Potter and Black took it as a chance to finally get rid of school, once and for all.

This is why Lupin thought there was nothing out of the ordinary when he caught a heavy, endless cough and stomach infection --and seemed to be unable to recover from it.

His mother told him to stop staying up late. His girlfriend said he needed to quit smoking. Black and Potter thought he just had to have more fun. But Lupin simply passed it off as being too exhausted.

The only person to notice that something was off was Lily Evans, another good friend from his school days in London. Being a medical intern obviously had something to do with it. But when she bumped into Lupin at a local hospital, her perceptiveness had led her to suspect a more serious condition behind his illness.

It was the late 1980s and everybody was going mad over an epidemic that was believed to solely affect the gay community. Evans, who had no idea of the assault that Lupin experienced in his adolescence, persuaded him to get tested for she had known him to be in a relationship with a man before, in the first year of university.

Lupin had always been a disciplined person when it comes to protection, and he did not sleep around. But he agreed to the test. However, he made her promise not to tell a single soul. Not even Potter, whom she was engaged to.

And when his results came up positive, Lupin knew that there was only way for him to get this from.

\--

“What happened after that?” Tonks whispered.

They were still in the same room. But instead of leaning on the shelves, Lupin had moved to rest his head on his girl’s lap. He took a moment of silence to stare into the ceiling, taking a break from the intensity of his story, enjoying the touch of her hand on his hair.

“What happened was … I was prepared to die.”

“Remus!”

“No, seriously. When I moved to London, I thought I was finally free. But it turned out that he wouldn’t leave without a trace.” He lifted up his hands and stared at the scars again. “It’s like he planted something in me.”

Tonks stopped caressing his hair.

“Harry’s mother was with me throughout the process. When the result was out, she took me into her car and we cried there together. That’s when I told her about what happened in Cardiff. She was the first person to know.”

“Sounded like a very good person.”

“Indeed. Such a great soul. Bless her," Lupin muttered.

He took another deep breath before proceeding. "So, she took me back to my flat and made me promise to stay strong. You know, that we will get through this together, and the like. But I lied. When she left, I was basically planning my suicide."

“ …”

“I felt like I was trapped, and that there’s no way out but death itself. So the next day I went to my parents’ home --this house-- with the intention to say goodbye.” He massaged his hand nervously. “Luckily I did.”

“How did they react?”

Tonks was going to start touching him again, but immediately pulled her hand back when Lupin suddenly burst out laughing.

"Amazingly! You're not going to believe it." He sat up and turned to face her.

Tonks herself looked as if she feared Lupin had lost his mind.

"So we sat for dinner. Mum was talking about her friends in church while Dad was forcing me to have a second helping. I didn’t say anything; just want to sit and stare at them, doing their things. Because I thought this will be the last time we …" He moved his hands wildly. "But suddenly, something took over me. I just spilled it out. ‘Mum, Dad. I have Stage 2 HIV. Not sure how, but I think That Man gave it to me.’”

Tonks crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, but … why does this feel … comical?”

“Because it is! Their first reaction was to cry, of course. And I was sure they're going to kick me out of the house. But then my father took out a piece of paper, and they just started to … write down plans. Medical care, how to finance it. They even made schedule to accompany me to check-ups! 'I can’t do Fridays, Lyall, you know I have to teach piano all day.’”

For a moment, Lupin stopped telling his story. Instead, he just sat there and stared at his girl.

His expression changed from happiness to exhilaration to gratefulness, all reflected in his green eyes within a few seconds.

Tonks could not help being carried away by this surge of emotions. So she reached out to bring his hands onto her lap, rubbing them as an understanding smile grew on her face. "That's fascinating. What your parents did."

Taking a deep breath, Lupin closed his eyes and grabbed her hands tighter than before. "Do you know how, in difficult times, you really get to witness the love that people have for you? And the capacity of this love?"

She nodded.

“With so much love being given to me, there is no way that I am going to die without a fight, Dora.”


	4. The Healing

When Lupin opened his eyes in the morning, the first thing that he noticed was that his girl was no longer sleeping by his side.

Groaning, he tried to gather all his energy to get up and start the day --always a struggle on Sundays, especially after such a long night. But as soon as he managed to get on his feet, he grabbed a rugged black T-shirt hung carelessly on a chair and left the master bedroom, barely noticing a yellow floral spring dress that was also placed on that chair.

Outside, he passed by the room of full of his record collection and musical instruments, followed by his teenage bedroom, which functioned as a warehouse these days. He took two stairs at a time, hurrying to get downstairs, where the sound of a woman singing and the scent of melting butter came from.

When he got into the kitchen, he immediately stopped to stare at the sight of a pink-haired lady in a cozy old bathrobe. Standing in front of the stove, she was just pouring a bowl full of beaten eggs into a frying pan.

Lupin also noticed that the song that she was singing was the 1980s ballad that they danced to last night.

“Good morning!” she shouted without turning her head. “You slept well.”

Lupin blinked his eyes in wonder. “You’re cooking.”

“Thought you might be hungry. So I take everything in the fridge and make something.”

“Everything!?” 

Tonks turned her head towards his direction, rolling her eyes exhaustedly. “Eggs, cheese, ham. Calm down, I’m not adding chocolate to an omelette.”

Lupin breathed a sigh a relief. He proceeded to walk to her direction, opening a kitchen cabinet to get the plates out. He then placed them near the stove for the omelette when it was ready. But when he lifted up his head to see how far along the dish was, he immediately screamed.

For Tonks had swung the pan up to flip the omelette to its other side.

“No …!”

As soon as the omelette made its perfect landing in the frying pan, Tonks turned to his direction again. “What’s with that face!?”

Lupin took a deep breath, waving his hands madly. “Sweetheart. You randomly fell off your chair when you’re playing drums. You always open the door of the wrong car. You step on your own foot! Who does that?”

“Many people!”

“No! These things happen only to you! That’s why this face happened!” Lupin pointed at his own face, which was a messed up combination of fear, agony, and panic.

Tonks was going to pout, but ended up laughing instead. “You should have seen your face.”

“No, thanks, I felt it enough.”

Tonks ended up making two impeccable portions of omelette, and Lupin followed up by carrying them to the dining table in the middle of the room. She continued on humming while walking to the table, while he announced that he was going to make tea.

“Is there any medicine that you need to take?” Tonks asked, taking her place on the table.

“Nope. Only the one I take every evening,” Lupin answered, walking back to the table with two cups of tea. “Thanks for asking, love.”

"Just trying to memorise your habits."

He gave her a little kiss on the cheek as he took his seat beside her. The two of them then began to eat their breakfast, filling the kitchen with sounds of utensils clanking and the scents of black tea in the air.

After a few bites, Tonks suddenly broke her silence. “Last night was intense.”

“Which one? The thing we did, or the thing we talked about?”

She laughed. “Let’s start with the bad news.”

“Okay. Yeah. It’s a difficult topic,” Lupin admitted, cutting the omelette into smaller parts. “But I’m glad I got to share it with you. I’m not one to talk about my personal life, but … I want to be as honest as possible.”

He turned towards his girl’s direction and rubbed her knee. “Because I take us seriously. So if you have any more question …”

“I actually have one.” Tonks swung her fork. “You said that … that man is now in jail.”

Lupin nodded. “Yes. I think about 15 years ago? Life sentence. Murder and rape of 10 boys. Mostly homeless, took his victims from the street. And as always, iceberg phenomenon.”

“Where were you when that happened?”

“Ah ... I’ve started teaching. That’s why I couldn’t get away from the news, because everybody in school talked about it. And yes … I’ve considered testifying. But changed my mind. He already got what he deserved. I just wanted to move on.”

Tonks took a gulp of her tea, watching her man intently.

“Well, if I had a time machine, I’d definitely would prevent that from happening. But … I don’t know. As I got older … I think I’ve learned to live with it. It’s hard, but it’s my life,” he smiled. “Just have to face it.”

The man then proceeded to finish his meal.

Putting back her cup on the table, Tonks slowly turned towards his direction and began rubbing his shoulders gently.

He replied with a knowing smile, chewing his food while his left hand knocked the table nonchalantly. So she reached out for his hand, silently tracing the scars on his wrist before bowing down to kiss them --and whispering to them.

“Thank you. For making my Remus stronger.”

He did not have to say anything, but Tonks knew that when he pulled her into his hug that Sunday morning, in the kitchen during breakfast, she had done something to strengthen her place in his life.

She closed her eyes, beaming with pride and love, as he repeatedly kissed her forehead. Deeply grateful.

It took a moment until he finally let go of her and started speaking again.

“Anyway, love …”

"Yes?"

“I don't know about you, but I tasted something sweet in _my_ omelette. Which jar did you take when you added the salt?”

“Oh, shit.”

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t name the “soft, familiar ballad from the 1980s” because I want you to imagine any love song from that era that you like best :) Played Madonna’s Crazy For You when I wrote this, though.


End file.
